some nights
by aheartmadefullmetal16
Summary: Roy knows Riza is fine, but remembering she took a slice to the neck is a little too jarring a thought for him to sleep properly. Oneshot, Royai, post Promised Day.


_**A/N:**_ _These two break my heart a little. Or a lot. Yeah, a lot. Definitely cried a little when I wrote this._ _  
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 _some nights I stay up cashin' in my bad luck_

 _some nights I call it a draw_

 _some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle_

 _some nights I wish they'd just fall off_

In. Out. In. Out.

Roy studied his lieutenant's breathing with a perfect intensity, willing her to not break her routine. Every time there was a hitch in her steady inhalation, his heart stopped, suspended, waiting for her to keep going. When it resumed, he would relax, his limbs loosening from the tight form they would acquire.

He figured it was somewhere around 3am; the difference between light and dark didn't mean anything to him in his current sightless state. At times he could still feel the tight tendrils of the Portal pressing into his skin and bleeding into his ears. Roy shuddered at the memory of pure energy and information flowing into his head, every moment of his life seeming to play in front of his eyes at the same moment. His last memory of sight replayed itself over and over- the Gate had shown him Riza in his last seeing moments, her neck spattered with blood that rolled down her skin and stained her tan jacket. He couldn't erase that image from the back of his eyelids, no matter how hard he tried.

Rather belatedly he noticed that it had been a few seconds since Riza had breathed. Sharp pricks of fear gathered in his limbs, and he clenched his fists. "Riza?" he muttered through gritted teeth. _Come on, Riza, breathe._ He rolled over so that he was facing her, or so he assumed. He didn't know why he was acting like this; in all the many nights they'd spent together he'd never worried about her as much as this. Sure, the intermittent cold or sniffle had crept into her immune system and clogged up her trachea, but a cold was quite different than a gash to the neck.

Finally a long, content sigh came from Riza's body, somewhere to his left, and Roy gulped in a breath of relief. _What's wrong with you?_ he scolded himself. _She's fine, you made sure of that before she fell asleep. She wouldn't lie to you in a situation like this. Calm down._

Still, a nasty feeling nagged at the back of his mind. Ever since his lieutenant had been reassigned as Fuhrer Bradley's personal assistant, the longest moments they'd had together were on this day (the Promised Day), and in the days leading up to it. With Pride possibly lurking in every corner, they had both agreed that seeing each other was far too dangerous. Roy knew their decision had killed Riza inside as much as it had killed him, and given both of their near-death experiences earlier that day, neither of them were too eager to be separated. He missed the feeling of her body against his as they slept, and the way her hair would tickle his chin when they embraced. _It's been too long._ Even after Riza had scolded him for the fight with Envy earlier, he still couldn't stand to be away from her a second longer.

Suddenly every fiber of his being was illuminated with a deep sense of longing. _I need her_. Before he knew what he was doing, his legs swung out of bed, his feet landing against the floor with a soft _plat_. He crouched, his hands seeking the edge of Riza's bed. _It should be right… there!_ A small smile invaded Roy's face; maybe being blind wasn't the worst thing ever. Gently his fingers ghosted across the sheets until he found the curve of her body. Cheeks burning slightly, he ran his fingers up her side till he found her shoulder. He noted where the hospital sheets ended and her skin began, her shoulders bare in the tank top they'd given her, and the fact that her back was to him. _She's protecting my back even in sleep,_ Roy mused. Heart racing slightly he pulled back the sheets and carefully settled next to her. Taking great care not to wake his lieutenant or jostle her neck, he slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her close despite the ache in his hands. Immediately every one of his remaining senses quieted, and the great chasm that had seemed to separate them for all this time was closed. The feeling of her against him soothed the sharp pains of worry invading his system.

Riza tensed for a moment, then relaxed and sighed as she seemed to recognize the contact. She settled back into his embrace, and he pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

"Sir," she mumbled, her voice groggy with sleep. "What are you doing? The nurse is going to check on us any minute now."

"What, a colonel can't make sure his subordinate is sleeping properly?" Roy teased.

"Well currently you're hindering my ability to do so," Riza replied, a hint of sleepy humor creeping in.

Roy laughed, holding her tighter. _I've missed this._ "You know what they say, sleeping with a partner puts you into a deeper sleep. And, being your commanding officer, I say you need it."

"I've never heard that before in my life," Riza drawled, her fingers twining around his. She no longer smelled like rust and iron, he noticed. Her soft hair smelled as it usually did- a hint of rosemary on a fresh spring air. Her skin was gloriously soft and smooth, occasionally interrupted by small puckered scars gained from Ishval and the occupational hazards of her life as his adjutant.

"Well, now you have," Roy murmured, settling deeper against her. Riza's only reply was to sigh in fond exasperation.

A small moment of silence stretched out between them, and Roy thought for a moment that she'd fallen asleep once more. Then, "Sir, why are you awake? It's three in the morning and you need rest."

Roy swore silently. _I didn't want to bother her with this,_ he thought angrily. _Nice going, idiot, way to wake her up and worry her._ "I… can't sleep," he admitted quietly. Riza waited patiently as he ran his thumb across her hand, tiny thrills shooting up his arm. "I was worried about you." His voice felt pathetically small and weak as he revealed the fact. Figuring he had nothing else to lose at the moment, he continued. "I missed the feeling of you being next to me. It's been too long."

"I missed you, too," Riza replied. Then she laughed. "Hayate was starting to get the idea that he owned the bed after I let him sleep up there one too many times."

Roy was surprised; usually Riza never allowed Hayate on any of the furniture in her little apartment. His thick fur would get everywhere, coating Riza's uniform in black and white hair she didn't have time to clear away.

"Well, we can't have that little troublemaker taking my spot, now can we?" Roy asked. He buried his face in her hair, committing the sensation to memory. Riza shivered.

"Sir-"

"Don't," Roy cut in quickly. "Please, none of that right now. It's just you and me."

"...Roy. Are you alright?" she asked hesitantly.

"No," he blurted, before he could even consider it. Suddenly the words were rushing out like a river, and he couldn't stop himself. "The last thing I saw before the Truth took my sight was you, still bleeding and dying. I can't get that image out of my head, Riza. I've never been more afraid in my life." His voice broke off at the end of the sentence, and when he continued, it was unsteady. "I could never live with myself if I let anything happen to you. I'm barely keeping from falling apart as it is." This time his voice cracked horribly, and he went silent, his eyes burning.

"Roy, _stop,_ " Riza insisted, her voice firm. She rolled over to face him, and he wished desperately that he could see her eyes. She took his hand and put it against her face, allowing him to feel her expression. Her brow was furrowed, and she stared at him with an intensity he could feel even without his sight. "Stop doing this to yourself. I'm right here. I'm right here in front of you. I'm not going anywhere."

"I just want to see you again, with my own eyes," Roy whispered, his voice too closed up to phonate any louder.

"I know." Riza's voice was softer now. He could feel her eyes on him, and it killed him to not be able to see the love they were bound to be filled with. "I'm right here. I'm right by your side. I always will be." She took his face in her hands and kissed him softly. Roy held her like a lifeline.

A brief period of silence stretched out between them, and Roy once again found himself counting his lieutenant's breaths, though they soon synchronized with his own. He felt water on his face, and said quietly, "Someone needs to fix the leak in the ceiling."

"What?" Riza asked, her voice curious. She then fell silent when she saw his face.

"The rain is getting in."

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 _ **A/N:** Leave a review! :)_


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